I'm learning how to be more grounded, how to root myself to the moment. 

Sometimes volcanoes erupt when you least expect them too, and you're left with no direction.

My life up until four days ago has been a series of countdowns. 

[827 days until graduation. 

14 days until I see Calum. 

85 days until I start university. 

35 days until I leave for Vancouver. 

7 days until I leave for Switzerland. 

2 days until Amsterdam. 

2 weeks until mom visits.

2 weeks until mom leaves. 

21 days until my period. 

A month until Budapest.

23 hours until I'm on a plane to Canada.]

Only, I never get on that plane. I never get on that plane and I am lost. 

I am so busy looking ahead of me, that I keep tripping on what's right beneath my feet. Lost in time, and the only thing I can do is live minute by minute. So for the last four days I have been doing just that. 

As liberating as it has been, I am still glad to know when I get to come home. 

Tuesday, April 27th.